Axe in a Marshmallow
by Amber the Placenta
Summary: Kakashi is sent to Hogwarts and meets the one and only Cyborg Metalhead Rapper. (WARNING: Please read the disclaimer in the prelude before the actual story. This story contains inadvertently offensive terminology.)
1. Prelude

Unlike the rest of my stories, this one is original in that it was not influenced by other fanfictions. I wrote this as a child and have been procrastinating on typing it up for over a decade. I have transcribed it verbatim, exactly as it was written in that notebook many years ago.

My purpose of including this disclaimer is to state that this story at times may reflect obsolete opinions that I have long since outgrown, and as such it does contain inadvertently offensive terminology. As I said, this is a word-for-word transcription of something I wrote as a child. DIFFERENT TIMES YO.


	2. Axe in a Marshmallow

On the 8th of August 1988, Kakashi was sent to Hogwarts. But before he could get there, he saw that the road was "currently under construction", so he took a right turn at Alberquerque and ended up at Red Box-and-Whisker Graphville. -OMGWTF...where am I?!- he thought to himself. He immediately turned back and ran into...a rabid Andalite/Cat! "I kill you...slash Kakashi!" It screamed and charged at him. Luckily, its mouth foam flew in its eyes and it had to stop to pick the lint from its belly button. Kakashi ran like he's never ran before. He stubbed his toe on something slimy and gross and...hatching? Xenomorph egg! He pulled out his Desert Eagle and shot it 44 and a half times and it didn't hatch (I wonder why). He set up camp and roasted the larva and a piece of belly button lint, to spread on the alien like sour cream or something.

The next day he woke bright and early in the late afternoon. He saw a cloud of dust in the distance. -Stupid wildebeests- He laughed out loud at the sight. But those were no wildebeests. They were rogue notes that escaped from their PS2 prison when Marcus Marco got pissed at his Guitar Hero 2 game and threw the guitar controller through the TV screen, freeing the savage beasts. The dust cleared and Kakashi saw what they really were. -Oh Fereydoon, this is going to be fun!- He pulled out a Shuriken and threw it at the mob. it had no effect. The rainbow thingamajigs just kept on coming. Out of a nearby bush came Zolo. With an electric guitar. With green flames on it. "Kakashi, the only way to beat these things is to rock them away!" And he started to play, but he didn't know how. The notes were unstoppable now.

Suddenly, the Powerpuff Girls came out of nowhere and threw a snake at Kakashi and a mummy at Zolo. They started to wrestle them as a mountain blurted out, 'You gotta believe!" Above all this commotion, a heraclex in the distance fell over laughing at them. This make notes mad. They mobbed the poor heraclex. There was no saving it; not even its teeth, claws and roars could harm the notes. Just when you thought the notes were bad, the heraclex was morphed into a far more unstoppable beast: The Quad Chord.

It opened its huge Star Power maw and let out a big "Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la!". An eagle overhead pooed on its shiny blue head, and it retaliated with a yawn. The eagle instantly fell asleep.

A portal opened in the ground, and out of it lept...the Cyborg Metalhead Rapper! He turned on a 3-mm boombox and blew the Quad Chord away with 3000 decibels of Disturbed. It struggled to its feet, only to find its ears bleeding as he started to rap it to the point where it was begging him to stop. But rap couldn't beat it. Rocking out (and being good at it) can.

Out of the very same portal came the Grim Ripper. Just who they needed to destroy this quadruchord (new word XD) menace. He broke out the Scythe(TM) and played a quad chord, and the Quad Chord broke apart and changed back into the heraclex it once was. Simple as that. But the notes were still there.

182,621 nights later, Kakashi and Zolo got the snake and mummy off them. The Grim Ripper flew over with the Cyborg Metalhead Rapper hanging on his bony legs, and Kakashi nearly crapped himself. Zolo simply stared at the two and said "Wow."

they all decided that if they were to beat this rainbow menace, they would have to get some guitar lessons (from Grim Ripper, duh!).

44 1/2 days later, they were ready to rock. Surprisingly, the notes hadn't gone far. They picked up their guitars and ran after the mob, strumming chords. It worked. To an extent, that is. The notes were budding off each other like amoeba and were coming the "guitarists'" way.

"Retreat, retreat!" Kakashi shouted. "No, Kakashi. There's no surrender!" Zolo grabbed his guitar and Cyborg metalhead Rapper's. "Time for some Misirlou, Santoryu-style!" he clutched the third one in his jaw. And he played. The notes were vanishing en-masse. All was going well, that is, until over the hill, came...TROGDOR!

Zolo readied himself by dropping the guitars and broke out the swords. He charged recklessly at the uber cool dragon but it opened a can of burnination on him. As if it didn't hurt at all, he simply Stop-Drop_Rolled and put himself out. Suddenly, his hair began to glow.

"H-his hair...it's GLOWING!" Kakashi fainted at the bizarre and creepy sight. A supergenius walked over and said: "Hmmm,interesting. It appears to be photosynthesis." Grim Ripper's jawbone dropped. "Photowhodawhadada?" "Photosynthesis. It's what plants do to make food." Everyone looked at Zolo with astonished eyes. "Duh! Didn't you think there was a reason my hair was green?" And, with that, everyone, even Grim Ripper, fainted. Zolo shook his head and got up, ready to fight the half-asleep-from-boredom dragon named Trogdor.

Trogdor snorted. Zolo didn't move a muscle. They would have stood there like that forever, had Eddie Knox not walked over and started tattooing the dragon's legs. It cried in agony. It looked pathetically at Zolo, expecting him to save it, but instead he gave it The Death Stare(TM). It passed out, and eventually stopped breathing (when the Grim Ripper checked its pulse - wonder why). R.I.P., Trogdor ;_; 9The Grim Ripper killed it, not Zolo)

Anyway, the notes became innumerable. Zolo knew JUST what to do. He'd just grow 2 more sets of heads and arms! And he did.

Of course, now he had SIX guitars...no wait...NINE! He started Jordaning it up, and they started vanishing like there was no tomorrow. A Nidoqueen picked its nose. Then, a naked green Porygon Thunderstrucked a bisexual Charizard. the Grim Ripper was just like "Why Pokemon?" Everyone snorted and did the Mexican Hat Dance.

Eddie Knox stared at everyone in awe. "You guys just about done? now I have a plan. If we were to buy Marcus Marco a new TV, shouldn't those notes disappear?" Everyone thought it sounded good, but the only place TV's of that model were available at was Hogwarts. This gave Kakashi an idea. "Since I was sent there anyway, let's go get a new TV and I'll have reached my destination. Everyone wins that way!" Zolo stared dumbly at Kakashi. "You didn't specify where we were going." 'Hogwarts you dolt!" "Well where's Hogwarts?" "I have no clue. I missed the train, so don't ask me."

Suddenly, Yoh popped out of a pentagram and yelled at, like, 444463211135579917 decibels: "OMGF! ANNA'S PREGNANT! YA HEAR THAT, YAOI FANS? I'M GOING TO BE A DADDY! AND THE MOTHER IS NOT REN OR HAO!" Then, Wakka walked over and said "I'm gonna be a father soon. Gotta have a little more presence, y'know?"

(Insert pointless argument over who is more proud of a father-to-be here) (Which of course ends with Wakka losing) Then, Horohoro hovered down on his snowboard, and said to Yoh: "Guess what!" "What?" "I just got laid." "That's...nice,I guess..." The conversation was interrupted when L tried to eat Yoh because he thought he was a pinata.

L got shat on by a flying giraffe, so he left. Then a Swampert started to sing Before I Forget. Then Slipknot sued the Swampert. Then Baro released the next beta of Pokemon marble, while Horohor was still celebrating losing his virginity. This party continued for a week and a half, until Horohoro found out his girlfriend named Jan was pregnant. So he joined in the battle between Wakka and Yoh. Then Luffy ate a whole turkey. Yo' mamma. Shalalalalaaaala...(insert Sandstorm here)

Anyways, back to the story. Kakashi started dialing "1111111, Hogwarts? DAMN! 1111112, Hogwarts? DAMN! 1111113..." While the Grim Ripper sharpened his guitar and Zolo threw a whole house to Kanses just because he could and it's free. Then a Porygon-Z married a Missingno. and they had all sorts of Bad Eggs which hatched into cute little ?'s. Then Kaosune fried some eggs for breakfast then ate them. Billy was still yelling "DESTROY US ALL!"

Another 182,621 nights later, Kakashi found the number for Hogwarts, and requested a taxi. They sent a flying green gorilla, and the band of idiots were on their way.

They at last arrived, but Hao stopped them. He asked if they were shamans; they said "no". So he burninated them.

THE END...? ORLY?


End file.
